I used to sometimes feel worse after praying, until I learned this

I thought I was taking my fears to God, but something was missing because I was feeling more anxious and afraid after my prayers. Recently, I learned some things that have helped me make sense of that pattern of anxiety while praying, and most importantly, how to change it.

It sounds terrible to say, "I feel worse after praying." Especially, considering this:

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

- 2 Timothy 1:7

If that's true, then how in the world could anyone feel worse after praying?! For a long time, I had to find other ways to feel close to God and receive answers, because that was what was happening. When I stopped praying, it made me feel bad. How could God answer a child that didn't speak to Him? I have an answer for that now. He is patient. He loves and understands us perfectly. When it comes to our hurts, anxieties and fears, He is merciful.

Facing old hurts and fears in EMDR therapy, taught me something about prayer.

When in the thick of hurtful things, we can acknowledge our pain. But if we do not at the same time acknowledge something greater, it may become too much and swallow us up!

Let me explain that a bit more. In EMDR therapy, you basically "go back" to painful experiences that were never properly resolved with little assignments. It might be taking someone you think of as a "protector" with you, -- or a "nurturer," etc. The idea is to allow yourself to feel the feelings you didn't allow yourself to feel in the first place. Since this would be too scary to do alone, you "bring" someone with greater capacity with you. That idea of focusing on someone with greater capacity, and having them by your side when confronting fears and problems, has completely changed my prayers.

How I used to pray, was that I'd rattle off a long list of fears, and then anxiously plead for God to fix or prevent whatever I was afraid of. And while acknowledging our feelings is an important part of honesty and healing, it is also where we can get stuck! When my prayers focused on my fears and anxieties, they were more like fear mantras than prayers.

How my prayers have changed:

I still pour out my heart to God about the difficulties I'm facing, but then I look to my Savior in every thought thereafter. I think of His attributes, why He is more capable than me.

I think of examples in the scriptures where He cared for people in the middle of their pain -- whether that be illness, sin, or other things. As I think of these things, I can't help but speak of what I know to be true about my Savior. I bear testimony to God about His Son. Of course God already knows all these things, but doing this brings down walls. The fear and anxiety of whatever I am worried about loses its' power. Then my thoughts unlock and specific answers come (sometimes), but mostly what happens is a feeling of peace.

Recently I read that sometimes our prayers remain unanswered because they don't represent Christ's will, but selfishness. As a generous and empathetic person, I couldn't really relate to that. But then I thought, wait a minute! When hurt, angry, or anxious, I can be self-centered! The impenetrable wall of those feelings can leave my heart and mind unreachable until I turn my thoughts to Jesus Christ. Giving His capacity more weight than my fear, hurt, or anger helps prevent me from getting stuck. While secure in the knowledge that our Savior has overcome all things, I fear fewer things.

Can you imagine someday being with Him and fearing nothing?